It's Not Okay
by Atakiri Mizuyuki
Summary: Hakuren just wants to be Teito's friend. But if Teito let him, wouldn't he be betraying Mikage? No pairings; one-shot


First--THERE ARE NO PAIRINGS IN THIS. Second off, this was just an idea I had. :) The first memory and the last half are my favorite came out the best. 3 The second quarter kind of fell apart. Oops. Anyway, I really love these three, and it is my sincere belief that Mikage would totally approve of Hakuren and would be proud of Teito for letting him be his friend. Anyway, read on. I enjoyed writing this greatly. :) Teito(x)Mikage forever. ((an (x) denotes the dynamic between, not the romantic relationship))

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Mikage ran up to him, laughing and waving like an idiot. Teito watched him as he approached, his eyes hooded in apathy. He watched with mild disinterest as Mikage nearly ran into another student, skirting him at the last possible second and going around him, his laughing face showing clearly that he hadn't intended that. Mikage had a habit of doing that.

Mikage stopped in front of Teito and waved as if he wasn't two feet away from him. Teito still watched him with hooded eyes.

"Good morning, Teito!" Mikage shouted, his voice as bright as his smile. Teito was aware of people watching the two of them, whispering. He ignored them; it wasn't too hard for him.

"Why do you always do this?" he demanded in a tone that was harsh with apathy. This didn't seem to bother Mikage—he laughed sheepishly and put one hand behind his head.

"Because… you know," he said, laughing. The bell to begin classes rang and Teito arched one eyebrow at him as everyone turned towards the large front doors of the academy, those who were going to be late running at a reckless speed.

"Really, I don't," he said flatly, his eyes losing focus as he went from the burning brightness outside to the dim shade of the interior of the building. Everything took on a green tint, and he forced his way through it, skirting shapes instead of people. Not that they were really people to him anyway.

Mikage was still laughing. Sometimes Teito surprised himself when it came to Mikage—like now, for instance. With anyone else the constant laughter would have made him punch the offender. With Mikage, it not only didn't annoy him, he found the sound somewhat pleasant.

"Ah, Teito, you have to stop living in denial!" Teito opened his mouth to protest that statement, but someone cut in for him.

"The pathetic little sklave really _ought _to stop living altogether," an arrogant voice came from behind him. Both Mikage and Teito turned to see Shuri standing behind him, his arms crossed against his chest and the most arrogant smirk on his face they'd ever seen. Behind him stood two of his toadies. Mikage growled and raised one fist.

"You take that back, you bastard!" he shouted. People turned to look, but their attention had little effect on the situation. Shuri laughed.

"What are you doing, standing up to me? Your family _works_ for me. You're in no position to fight me."

"Take back what you said about Teito, you bastard!" he repeated, his voice as serious as death. Teito stared at him with wide eyes, full of shock and confusion.

Shuri just snorted.

Next moment he was squealing in fright and calling for help as Mikage straddled his chest, driving his fists as hard into the pretty-boy's face as he could.

"Mikage!" Teito shouted.

"_TAKE. BACK. WHAT. YOU. SAID. ABOUT. TEITO. YOU. GOD. DAMNED. __**BASTARD**__!_" He drove his fist into Shuri's face with a particularly satisfying thud as the drumming of officers' feet came from a nearby hallway.

"Mikage!" Teito shouted again, in absolute shock. "You're seriously going to get in a lot of trouble for that! Why the hell did you do that for me?!" Mikage turned to him and scowled.

"You idiot! It's because you're my friend!"

* *

Teito gasped and bolted up, panting heavily. Mikage… His heart ached just at the thought of that name. His best friend. Mikage would do anything for him. Get in trouble, skip class, steal from the cafeteria…

Die.

Teito brought his knees up to his chest and tried to compress himself into the smallest ball he could. Mikage… His best friend, his dearest friend. It hurt so much to not have him there, to know that he couldn't hear his laugh anymore.

"Nya." He peeked at the small pink creature looking up at him with large, wide eyes full of concern. His eyes passed over the X-shaped scar on its forehead.

"It's nothing, Mikage," he said hoarsely. Mikage. The reincarnation of that friend. He had chosen to be reincarnated as that creature just so that he could protect Teito in his second life, too. As if giving one life for his best friend wasn't enough, he had dedicated his second one to him too—!

"Teito, are you alright?" Teito jumped up and looked at his roommate, who was hovering right beside him. Hakruen looked at him with worried eyes, and Teito turned quickly away from him.

"I'm fine," he said gruffly. He could feel Hakuren's frown as he put his hand on Teito's shoulder.

"Are you sure, my friend? I—"

"_I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!_" Teito shouted, slapping Hakuren's hand away. Hakuren lurched backwards, trying to keep his hurt off of his face. After a moment, his expression set into one of almost cold indifference, and he dropped his hands to his side.

"This is about that guy Mikage you told me about, isn't it?" he asked, his voice not quite as harsh as his face. Teito ground his teeth together and slammed his fists against the mattress, making the Mikage-creature leap off the bed with a small cry of fright and jump onto Hakuren's head.

"He's not just some guy!" he screamed, his eyes closed as tightly as they would go and his forehead pressing into his knees. "He was my only friend! My best friend! And he… died for me," he said, muscles going limp with defeat. His eyes opened slowly, showing years of grief behind those bright green pupils. Years of grief, in only a few weeks. Mikage… _Mikage…_

"You know… I bet if Mikage cared about you as much as you say he does, he'd be really unhappy seeing _you_ so unhappy," Hakuren said, taking Mikage off of his head and scratching the creature's head. Teito tensed again, turning and glaring at him.

"What the hell do you know?!"

"I know that if it was _my_ best friend I'd died to protect, I'd hate to see him so angry and upset," he said harshly, glaring back at Teito. "It'd break my heart to see him turning people away from him—turning _friends_ away—just because he missed me so much."

"You're not my friend!" Teito shouted again. "I can't _have_ more friends! I won't repl—" He froze, the words dying in his throat. Hakuren's face softened at once as he understood the real reason Teito was so upset.

"You know…" he started, his voice soft and full of concern. "I'm not trying to r_eplace_ Mikage. And if you let me be your friend, _you_ won't be replacing him either. Letting others be your friend isn't betraying him, betraying his memory, betraying his sacrifice. It's okay to let me be your friend."

"No it's not," Teito said, tense again, tears starting to leak from his eyes. "It's not okay."

He laid down and turned on his side, his back to Hakuren. Hakuren looked at the Mikage in his arms, his expression lost and hopeless. Mikage stared back at him with the same expression.

* * *

At once Teito knew he was dreaming. For one thing, Mikage was human and very much alive again. For another thing, they were on the roof of the church, which meant it couldn't possibly be a memory.

He and Mikage were sitting on two of the three tall green spires that stretched up over the church. He was on one, and Mikage was on the other. The third sat empty.

"You know," Mikage said, holding his hand in front of the sun and watching the sunlight stream through his fingers, "I bet you've been really lonely since I passed, huh?" Mikage looked at him and tried to protest, but his throat wouldn't form the words. He tried to say anything at all, but he couldn't. In this dream, he had no voice.

Mikage turned to him and smiled widely in that way of his, with his eyes shut tight and the corners of his mouth nearly at his cheek bones.

"I think it would be really fun if there was a third of us, don't you think? If we were three friends, instead of just two." He turned back to the sun, relishing in its warmth. "You can't just rely on me, Teito. I know you do. And really, part of me loves it. I love you, Teito—you're like my brother. Closer than a brother. My… my best friend!" He laughed delightfully, and just the sound brought pure joy to Teito's heart. "But it hurts me so much to see you so lonely. Especially when there are so many other people who care about you!" Phantom figures of Labrador, and Castor, and Frau, and Sisters Rosalie, Libelle, and Athena, appeared on the steep sides of the green spires, sitting and relaxing, all looking out towards the sun.

"You're not alone anymore, Teito. You don't just need me anymore. Because you don't _have _just me anymore." He gestured to the people sitting on the impossibly steep slopes. "All of them are here because they care about you, Teito. You're… like their sun." As he said it, the sun dimmed until it was a deep orange, the color of a sunset. "They can see the potential for happiness and beauty in your soul, just like I always could, Teito. They want me to be happy."

"M-Mikage," Teito choked, overwhelmed. The sun grew bright again, and Mikage turned to him, laughing again.

"And what about that guy, huh?" He gestured to where a phantom Hakuren was trying to climb up the empty green spire, clinging desperately to the tiles but constantly sliding back down. But every time he slid back down, he tried to climb up again. "What about that guy? He really wants to be your friend, Teito. He really cares about you. And you care about him, too."

"No!" Teito shouted, fear in his heart. A dark cloud passed over the sun and lingered there, casting the three spires alone in shadow. "Not as much as I care about you, Mikage! You're my best friend, I couldn't ever care about anyone as much as I care about you!" Instead of looking pleased, Mikage shook his head in disapproval.

"Maybe that's true," he admitted, "but do you think that means that you can't care about anyone _else_?" He suddenly vanished, and Teito cried out in pain. He could see a solid Hakuren now sitting on the third spire, smiling and waving happily to him. From somewhere in the wind Teito could hear Mikage laughing.

"I'm not telling you to replace me," Mikage said, "and I'm not saying this new friend should be my substitute. But would it _really_ hurt to have someone else in your life you could love and care about? Who could support you?" Teito suddenly slipped from the edge of his spire, and before he knew what was happening he was hurtling down the side of the spire, the wind rushing around him and promising him a terrific ride.

At least until they met the ground.

Teito cried out in terror and tried to summon his Xaiphon, but there was nothing he could do. He cried out again, and cleared the edge of the spire.

A horrible jerk in his arm caught his attention, and he looked up. Hakuren was holding his hand, straining against Teito's weight and gravity, his fingers desperately clinging to the thin lip of the spire. With a grunt, Hakuren managed to drag both himself and Teito onto the edge of the spire, the one spot flat enough to sit on. Both of them panted, and then, as if with one mind, they looked at each other. Hakuren smiled, and Teito responded with a ghost of the expression.

"Don't forget me," a quiet whisper said in his ear, and Teito turned to see Mikage, the phantom now, floating in the air in front of him, his face sad and smiling at the same time. "Don't replace me. But don't cling to me. I'll always protect you, I'll always be with you, but I don't want you to be sad over me. I don't want you to close yourself off for me. I don't want to be your only friend." He looked at Hakuren, and his smile became thoughtful. "He cares about you, he wants you to be happy. I like him. I think he's exactly what you need." He turned back to Teito again, and this time he closed his eyes, and his smile widened. "I love you Teito, you're closer than family. Be happy. I won't say good-bye, because I'll see you when you wake up." The small pink reincarnation of Mikage appeared in his arms, and the Mikage phantom laughed with honest joy.

* *

Teito sat up and put one hand against his head. It was dark, and he was in his bed. Mikage sat curled up on his chest, sleeping peacefully. On the other side of the room, Hakuren sat awake, watching him.

"Hakuren…?" he asked slowly. Hakuren blinked and his face suddenly went red at having been caught. "Are you alright?"

"What?" Hakuren asked, taken by surprise. "I'm fine. ...Are you?" Teito blinked at this and sat up, leaning against the wall. He scratched Mikage's head absentmindedly.

"I'm fine," he said, his eyes glazed as he stared at something far from the room. He turned back to Hakuren, and slightly cocked his head to one side. "Why are you awake?"

"Dream," Hakuren admitted, shrugging. "It was no big deal. You?"

"Dream," he agreed, thinking over everything that had happened in it. Had that really been Mikage? He felt like it was. It hadn't just been him imagining his best friend—it had truly been him speaking.

Was Mikage really okay with Teito getting another friend? He'd never let Hakuren replace Mikage in his heart—never!—but… might there have been room in there for two people?

"H-hey, Hakuren," Teito said slowly, hearing his voice stutter over the first word. Hakuren arched his eyebrows in surprise and turned to Teito. "When…" Mikage's laughing face suddenly flashed in his mind, and he closed his eyes tightly. "One day, when I'm strong enough to protect you… I'd really like to be your friend."

Teito had his eyes closed so tightly he couldn't see the way that Hakuren's face seemed to fall, as if all the tension had been taken from it at once. The soft set of his eyes, the small smile on his face. It was an unguarded moment of being touched.

"I'd… really like that, my friend," he said.

[END]


End file.
